He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
