party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
