1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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