we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
