Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
