Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
