Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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