Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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