nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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