And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
