she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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