My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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