thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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