I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
