I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
