Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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