Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
