I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
