I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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