Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
