I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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