the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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