remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
