I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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