You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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