I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
