i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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