All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
