Just fell off a train. Bad.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Randomize
