My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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