I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
