ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
