Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
