so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
