what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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