I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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