I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
