i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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