I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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