Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
