pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize