i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
