I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
