he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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