Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
