The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
