sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
