She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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