weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
