this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
