Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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